Kids Times 3

Here are some more goodies from my favorite English-language publication ever, Kids Times. After a brief hiatus, the paper was back on my desk last week, and once again, did not disappoint. Here are a few shots:

This article resulted in the kids spending ten-minutes of class time making pig “oinking” sounds. Why? I have no idea.

This journalistic masterpiece comes from an article entitled, “Is Greenland Really Green?” The last paragraph really sums up the writing for Kids Times. I can just imagine the author 5 minutes before her deadline saying to herself, “I don’t know nor do I give a crap about how Greenland got its name. If you really care that much about it than you can do it yourself.” Well, I did care, and after about 3 solid seconds of Googling, I had the answer which came directly from the Greenland’s very own tourist information website (who knew?).

It was the Viking Erik the Red who gave Greenland its name. Having been exiled from both his native Norway and later also from Iceland, he headed west and discovered a country with an inviting fjord landscape and fertile, green valleys. Once back in Iceland he spread the word of the good opportunities for starting a new life in the new country which he called ‘The green land’ – and in the summer it really is green here.

So basically Erik The Red did a little PR campaign to get people to come to his iced-over country but instead just attracted a bunch of caribou. But that’s not the point. The point is that reading Kids Times will make you stupid.

 

Writing is Overated

Bumbershoot: Best 3 days of the Summer. photo credit Grandchildren

The following post exists partly because I need to some blog filler, and partly because I love tootin’ my own horn. Anyway, I was cruising around the website for the Bumbershoot Arts and Music Festival - my old employer - when I stumbled across a project I helped create for the site last year. It’s called the Band Bio Generator, and in my humble, unbiased opinion, it’s the most amazing time-wasting thingy-ma-bobber ever created. The idea behind the generator is simple: all band biographies are more or less the same, so instead of wasting 10 minutes crafting your bands’ backstory, why not waste 3 minutes and have a computer program do it for you. I designed this little gadget with the help of my friend Shaun Swick, a design wizard and all-around technical guru. So go ahead and try it out and feel free to post the results. Here’s a bio for my new fictional band: The Soju Brothers.

Emerging from the block parties of Seosan, South Korea, The Soju Brothers burst onto the hip-hop scene in 2008 with their debut album, Hardcore Hang Man. The band’s latest album, Go Fish, unites Eli Schwimmer’s singular lyrics with soulful grooves to generate a disc overflowing with feel-good summer jams. With standout tracks like “Lost in Translation,” the music of The Soju Brothers appeals to hip-hop fans and non-hip-hop fans alike.

So there you have it. A nice little blurb without all the hassle of paying for a PR firm. And let’s face it: writing things yourself is way overrated. In fact, you probably can’t tell, but this entire post was created using my brand new project, “The Blog-Post Generator.”

 

Obama-Clinton Fatigue

Seeing how CNN is one of the only channels that I get in English, I’ve gotten a pretty consistent helping of election coverage these past few days. The content doesn’t focus much on the issues but instead piles on extra portions of gossip and he-said she-said bickering. Did you know Obama once rented a movie from Blockbuster and returned it without rewinding? Did you know Hilary once killed a bear with her own hands? Ok, that stuff didn’t happen (though I wouldn’t put that bear thing past Clinton, she’s a beast) but that’s the kind of inane banter that CNN specializes in. It’s the kind of stuff that has made watching this epic race to the White House more of a chore than the exciting coronation for one of these two candidates (read: Obama). The whole scenario is down-right exhausting. At this point it’s even difficult to tell who’s winning and who’s losing. Or maybe they’re both winning? Or are they both losing? Or is one winning at the expense of the loser who in actuality already won a long time ago but is now losing so the the real loser can feel like a winner before actually losing for good? Either way, I’ve lost it. The endless stream of campaign coverage is beginning to blur into one imperceptible story line, and judging a mistake I found on the Seattle Times’ website, I’m not the only one who thinks so. Check it:

Somewhere an editor needs a nap.

Your thoughts?

 

Far From Home no. 4

 

For the Kids.

First and foremost, I’d like to apologize to all the loyal readers of this blog (read: Mom and Dad) for the lack of posts lately, but I took a little break and headed to Seoul for a 3-day weekend. Yesterday was Children’s Day here in Korea, so all schools and hogwons were closed for the day giving me ample time to explore the city. The celebration became an official government holiday back in 1923 as a means to instill a sense of independence and national pride in the nations’ youth, and now appears to be Korea’s most efficient way of getting rid of left-over balloons. I’ve always been a big proponent of a national children’s day. Though I was pretty young at the time, I can still remember asking my mom why the United States had special days celebrating mothers and fathers, but no day for the kids. “Eli…” she said matter-of-factly, “every day is Children’s Day,” and with that proceeded to drive me to and from soccer practice. Point taken. Speaking of mothers, today is my Mom’s birthday, so everyone feel free to wish her a happy 39th.

 

It’s Alive!

Octopus: It’s what’s for dinner.

I’ve eaten a lot strange foods since moving to Korea - shrimp-flavored Cheetos, squid, corn water, a deep-fried corndog which tasted like redundancy - but yesterday has to take the cake as the strangest culinary experience to date. Live octopus. That’s right. Alive. When the waiter brought the dish to the table I thought someone must have slipped something into my drink because the whole plate was squirming and writhing in a mesmerizing interpretive dance - a dance I interpreted as the octopus saying, “please don’t eat me.” It is an interesting experience eating live octopus. The tentacles that aren’t crawling around stick steadfastly to the plate, holding on for dear life like a toddler not quite ready to leave a ball-pit. It’s kinda sad actually. For the octopus it must be like getting evicted from your apartment and then getting eaten - I’ve heard that may actually happen in some parts of New York. Sliced and diced pieces are served covered with seasoning and herbs. White and wiggling, once you do manage to wrench the octopus away for the plate and pop it your mouth you get to feel it slimy texture slithering and sliding around. Not pleasant at all. My principle, the one who ordered the dish, told me to chew thoroughly, otherwise the octopus might try to make an abrupt u-turn in your throat. The actual taste is pretty bland, and I probably won’t be eating it again anytime soon. I’m pretty sure this dish was invented by chef who was running late and had to cut out some of the prep time - kinda like a seafood version of the Jews fleeing Egypt and ending up with matzah (ok that was a stretch but you get my point). Even though I disliked the experience immensely and never wanted a chicken nugget more in life, as far as freshness is concerned, live octopus can’t be beat.

 

Insanely Accurate Korean Archery

You don’t need to understand Korean to appreciate the accuracy displayed in this video. A group of Korean archers put their super-human focus on display as they hit bite-sized targets (a soybean, a piece of thread) from over 90 feet away. The last shot is so improbable the only way to believe it is to see it with your own two eyes. All I can say is that these guys must rack up some serious prizes at carnival games.

 

Tube Steak Madness

Tasty?

While I’m on the topic of things-that-just-aren’t-the-same, here’s a picture of the front of an “authentic” hot dog shop near my apartment. They sell coffee and gelato there too, but I’ve never seen any one actually in the store besides the front counter lady and her kids who are always watching cartoons in a nearby booth. From the looks of it, this place isn’t shy when it comes to topping your tube steak. For some reason I really want to try the “Red Dog” (third from left) - that looks like the kind of meal that just dares you to eat it; a meal that sticks to your ribs and won’t let go, no matter how much Pepto you pound. Apparently this shop is the only place in Seosan that serves all beef hot dogs, but since there’s not much nutritional integrity in a hot dog to begin with, that’s not really a strong selling point for me. I’ll probably try one eventually, maybe on the Fourth of July.

Speaking of crazy hot dogs, have a look-see at these bad boys from Sweden.

 

Memories of Joe

No Place Like Home.

I miss coffee. I miss it a lot. For now, the can pictured above is the closest I will come to both Starbucks or Seattle for quite some time. Kinda depressing. Out here in Seosan, there are only two types of coffee: the kind that tastes bad the kind that tastes like total crap. Oh, and you can forget about baristas too. Most of the time when you “go for coffee” you are really just going to an automated machine that spits out some hot brown liquid into a dixie cup. If you do find a real human to make the stuff, it always seems to turn into a huge ordeal. Most of the time drip coffee isn’t on the menu, and a simple Americano can take up to 10 minutes to make. There is no milk or cream, and the closest you can get to sugar is some high fructose corn syrup which the person manning the counter will give out upon request. You can forget about swizzle sticks and those little cardboard sleeve thingees that protect your hand from the heat (what are those called anyway? Might I suggest “Coffee Jockeys”?). If you somehow manage to get to the bottom of the brown water, you will notice that bottom of the cup is coated with a sludgy substance reminiscent of crude oil (both in texture, and one can only assume, taste).

If someone offers you coffee don’t assume that they are being kind and brewing up a fresh batch just for you. Rather, they are probably just emptying out a powder pack and adding hot water from a dispenser. You needn’t worry about getting a caffeine buzz because there is no caffeine to be found, but you might want to brush your teeth because the contents of these packages seems to be 99 percent sugar and one percent poo coloring.

Crap Packet.

Even though I gripe about the dire java situation out here, and even though the closest Starbucks is an hour and a half away in Seoul, coffee still holds a convenient cultural cache that helps me connect with the locals. When people ask me where I’m from, I always start by telling them I’m from Seattle, the place where Starbucks comes from. That usually gets a nod of knowing approval. If that doesn’t work, I remind them of that movie with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks, “Sleepless in Seattle” - or as it’s called out here, “Can’t Sleep in Seattle.” And if for some reason that doesn’t work, I go to my fail-safe backup plan: I tell them I’m from Hollywood. Close enough to get the point across but really not the same at all - kinda like the coffee.

 

All Work and No Play

No Sleep ‘Til Harvard.

Came across an interesting article yesterday about elite South Korean private schools. The article, which came courtesy of Sam Dillon of the New York TImes, profiles two top-tier academies that prep their students for acceptance into U.S. Ivy League schools. The requirements for students who attend these schools are incredible - but also from a recently-graduated student’s perspective - a total bummer. All students must attain proficiency in 2 languages not including English, attend an extra month tacked on to the academic calender, have nearly flawless entry test scores, and a commitment to unrelenting study. And by unrelenting study, I mean, the never-leave-the-library-even-though-you-haven’t-slept-in -four-days kinda study. Here’s an excerpt highlighting the mind-boggling academic schedules these students face:

The schedule at the Minjok academy, on a rural campus of tile-roofed buildings in forested hills, appears even more daunting. Students rise at 6 for martial arts, and thereafter, wearing full-sleeved, gray-and-black robes, plunge into a day of relentless study that ends just before midnight, when they may sleep.

But most keep cramming until 2 a.m., when dorm lights are switched off, said Gang Min-ho, a senior. Even then some students turn on lanterns and keep going, Mr. Gang said. “Basically we lead very tired lives,” he said.

Now that I’ve been living in Korea for a while, the details of this article, while still incredible, are not shocking. As I’ve learned from talking with native Koreans and other teachers alike, is that Korean culture can be incredibly competitive and the desire to achieve can sometimes become all consuming. I see it with my kids too. Some will come in dressed in their Tae-Kwon Do uniforms and holding a violin, making my academy just one of three extracurricular stops during their day. Many children attend private academies on the weekends as well. There are science schools, art schools, music and dance lessons, math and computer courses, Chinese language lessons, and many others that I probably don’t even know about yet. I’ve already been told I need to give out more homework because parents at my school don’t think their children have enough. That really bummed me out, so lately we’ve been playing a lot of games. Whenever I say the “word” game the students eyes light up, probably because they don’t get much leisure time in their regular schools. Simple games that used to bore me to tears - Hang Man, Simon Says, and Bingo - are like revelations to some of my kids. I’ve been told that many Korean schools stress rote memorization of facts and phrases rather than actual cognitive processing (woah, that sounded kinda smart right there), so games are a welcome relief to flashcards and vocab lists.

Either way you slice it, I think the kids and the academies featured in Dillon’s article are missing the point. Education at the expense of experience isn’t worth it. Sometimes the best way for a child to learn is to let a kid be a kid. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a game of 20 Questions to attend to.

Link via [NYT]