For those of you who know me, you’re probably well aware that I’m not one to go to a club and bust a move. I’m more of head-rocker type; bouncing my head knowingly to the beat like some sort of overgrown bobblehead. My shoulders and hips are like oceanic plates: seldom moving and when they do, it’s usually a disaster. But all that gets thrown at the window in Korea. As one of maybe 5 Americans who live in the city, kids and young adults automatically assume that we’re in the know when it comes to U.S. pop culture. So when it comes to dancing, I can pretty much do whatever the hell I want and the kids treat it like it’s the second coming of the Twist. Last Saturday I went to a local club (that feels weird even to write) and wasted little time before busting out some of the worst dance moves ever witnessed, and to my surprise, every single one caught on like a bad case of cholera. First I started with a hoe-down jig, you know, the one where you kick out your legs all wide and swing your bent arms across your stomach ala Ashlee Simpson when she f’d it up on SNL. After that sweeping success, I hit the locals with a little taste of what I like to call the “Schwimmer Shuffle,” just to see how far I could take it. It’s a mixture of the C-walk, that Russian Kick dance, and a splash of Elaine, and in any other setting it’s liable to get you kicked out of pretty much any bar/club/wedding/bat mitzvah, but in Korea, it’s pure kinetic gold. Like a kid perched on his dad’s shoulders dunking a basketball, I couldn’t miss. I’ll be taking requests for any other busted dance moves you’d like me to try out, so if you have suggestions send ’em my way and I’ll let you know the results.