Reading Material

My main responsibility at the English academy is to help the kids practice their conversational English. Now I know what you’re thinking: “those poor kids are forced to conversations him?!” – but really it’s not that bad. One of the ways I do this is to read selections out of a specialized educational newspaper called “Kids Times” and discuss. After reading through a few of the editions, it turns out Kids Times is not only a great learning tool, it’s also hilarious! Every new copy holds at least a few wacky gems, and I’ll be sure to post the really good ones. Click the link below for a few more examples.

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When I first read this I did a serious double take – it was too good to be poo, uh, I mean, true. I’ve underlined the pertinent excerpts in the picture above, but if for some reason you’re having trouble seeing it, the article reads: “Constipation is one of the most common reasons for belly pain. If you haven’t had a bowel movement for a while you are probably constipated. When you have runny, watery bowel movements, you may also feel sick to your stomach.” WTF? I barely feel comfortable talking to my doctor about this type of topic, let alone a room full of 6th graders. Is there a graceful way to explain the concept of constipation? If so please let me know. Thankfully, I didn’t have to discuss this article in class.

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What is up this picture? Why is this toddler using a laptop? Why is he lying prone on a bench (couldn’t they have used a less creepy word?) and for God’s sake why isn’t he wearing socks? Come to think of it, this kid is probably the editor of this standout publication.

And now the hard hitting expose you’ve all been waiting for…

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A better headline would have been, “Twins: What’s their deal?”

There actually wasn’t anything terribly wrong with this article, but it did have one glaring omission: as anyone with a twin will tell you, having a womb mate is totally awesome – awesome that is, until it comes times to receive presents – then your take gets cut in half. Now I know what getting divorced must be like. Thanks for nothing Jess!

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6 responses to “Reading Material

  1. I think you should ask the principal to let you get a subscription to the New York Times and read the police blotter to these kids to keep them on the straight and narrow and at the same time let you glance at the sports page so you know what real world problems are all about.

  2. nateisagirlsname

    haha! you made me smile. not to say that I believe your plight is a negligible one. 🙂 It’s nice to see a blog that has undercurrents of wit and good humour. Hope your twin realizes what trouble they have caused you. kudos!

  3. I laughed till I cried! I will send you some copies of Weekly Reader that I am not using–more boring, but definitely less embarrassing!

  4. hee-larious!

    ps – i read more than i comment as my internet time is limited, but know that i read, laugh at, and pass on the words of brother eli to woollies everywhere.
    you missed a good kp party last night. we gave him all of the post-it note portraits framed as a good-bye gift. there were tears and whiskey gingers aplenty.

  5. Thanks for nothing??! How rude… you would be NOTHING without me, the obvious better half of the set 🙂

  6. Pingback: Kids Times Strikes Again « sink or schwim.

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