Kids Times: Number 1 in Number 2
Just when I was ready to let sleeping dogs lie, Kids Times came through in the clutch and left a huge stinker on my desk. A few weeks ago I had pretty much resigned myself to accepting the silliness of the newspaper, but after reading the following article I can now safely say that all bets are off – my hatred is resumed 10-fold. The story, titled “What Is Constipation?” is a baffling choice for a children’s text to begin with, but what makes it even mind-boggling is the fact that is the second article regarding constipation I’ve seen since I’ve been in Korea. That’s two articles in three months. Are you shittin’ me? Seriously, Kids Times, what’s going on over there? My students talk about poop enough as it is, and your only fanning their smelly flames with your constant articles about crap. Anyway, here are some steamin’ selections from the piece (of shit) [Warning: some material may not be suitable for those with sensitive stomachs. If you are eating a sandwich, microwave dinner, 6-piece Chicken McNugget meal, or any other food item for that matter, I strongly suggest you stop now]
Some kids think they are constipated if they don’t poop every day. But everybody’s bathroom habits are different. Some kids might go three times a day, and other kids might go only once every two days.
If you are constipated, you don’t have bowel movements as often as you usually do…Your belly may stick out a little too. And when you go to the bathroom you may feel like the poop is hard and dry.
If your poop is hard and dry, pushing out may hurt a little. You might even see a bit of blood on the toilet paper when you wipe.
Fiber can keep your poop from getting hard and dry.
Being active helps food move through your digestive system. Also, drinking water keeps your poop soft.
Now I’m sure a lot of you are thinking that I made this up – that there’s no way this could possibly pass as educational material – but sadly, the article exists and what has been read cannot be un-read. If you don’t believe me I would be happy to send you a Xerox’d copy. My only choice now is to continue on and somehow look past the utter terribleness that is Kid Times. Hopefully with time the wounds will heal, but only time will tell.
Phew! I feel much better now that that’s out of my system. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have the sudden urge to bathe in Lysol.