Wake Up Call

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Lately I’ve been playing a game I like to call the “What-The-Hell-Did-I-Just-Buy” game. The rules are simple. Go into a grocery or convenience store and purchase something that you have absolutely no idea of what’s inside the packaging and then eat said item. Sometimes the results are quite pleasant, like the time I ended up with some sort of tofu sausage. Sometimes the results are disappointing, like a week ago when I ended up with what could only be described as “squid tenders.” Then there’s “Ya” – a product which bills itself as some sort of magical “wakey potion.” Back in my day we used to call that a cup of coffee with a little bit of JD in it, but out here, it’s far less exciting. The actual product tastes like Sprite mixed with cinnamon and cloves, which may be why it says “Take Your Chance” on the label. Though I think they were actually shooting for something snazzier like “Seize the Day,” they ended up with a tag line that’s far more foreboding but unquestionably more accurate. Drinking this stuff is a risk, especially for anyone who values the future use of their taste buds. The drink is supposed to be some sort of energy elixir, but as far as I could tell the effects last for about 15 minutes, right about the time the sugar kick wears off and the headache sets in. The only positive aspect about this product is the fact that it’s called a potion and has a bottle that looks like it came right out a Zelda level. Seriously, there are not enough potions on the market right now.

So the next time you find yourself a little bored with your same old shopping routine, head on down to the foreign foods sections of your local grocer, and have yourself a game of “What-The-Hell-Did-I-Just-Buy,” or WTHDIJB as the kids are calling it these days. It sure beats eating oatmeal again.

Related Listening: “Wake Up” – Arcade Fire

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2 responses to “Wake Up Call

  1. I’m afraid to ask–what is JD that you put in your coffee?

  2. one, Zelda reference? videogames? what? i thought you were too cool/normal for all that jazz. two, you should start something reminiscent of Steve, Don’t Eat It! cuz that’s a pretty funny thing to do.

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