I’m feeling kinda lazy today, so instead of writing something new, I’m just gonna post that “25 random things about you” thing that’s been floating around Facebook. I usually try to avoid chain mail posts, but I actually writing some of this stuff down to be quite enjoyable (and apparently I’m not the only one). It’s kind of cathartic to share random tid-bits of useless personal trivia with complete strangers. So with that being said, enjoy 25 stupid about me:
1. I have a twin sister. For the record, we are not identical, and she is the evil one.
2. I’m a big proponent of rocking out on air-instruments (guitar, drums, bass clarinet) at all times of the day.
3. When I was in second grade I contracted some crazy virus and couldn’t walk for 3 weeks and was confined to a wheelchair. No one knew what the sickness was. Parenting Magazine even wrote a “medical mystery” profile about me in which my name was changed to Jordan Pool (Jordan because I really liked Michael Jordan, and Pool because…my last name is Schwimmer???).
4. I am lefty, but for some reason I kick with my right foot, play guitar right-handed, bat right-handed, and pimp-slap people with my right hand.
5. When I was in third grade, I accidentally knocked my sister’s front two teeth out with an aluminum baseball bat. I felt bad about this, but in my defense, she was trying to sneak up on me and rap me in the head with one of those Fox-Tail things, so she had it coming.
6. My favorite song of all time is Weezer’s “Only In Dreams.” It is so good that I only listen to it on special occasions. I have had the album since 1997 and I’ve listened to that song about 10 times.
7. I want to create and sell high-quality Bobby pins and call them Robert pins.
8. My favorite movie is “The Truman Show.”
9. I played in a bunch of bands when I was in high school and rocked my fair of community centers in my day. I still like writing songs, but now I don’t really play them for anyone but myself.
10. I haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies and have no desire to do so.
11. My biggest pet peeve is when people call and don’t leave a message. That, and also racism.
12. For some reason I find repeatedly writing my signature on a piece of paper to be very relaxing.
13. My least favorite month is August.
14. I wouldn’t mind living in a country other than the United States.
15. I am pigeon-toed. It is especially noticeable when I run. For this condition I blame my mother, who passed on the inward-footed genes to me, and also my father, who is a pigeon.
16. I really like stand-up comedy and would one day like to try it one day and get booed off the stage.
17. My dream jobs include: travel writer, sitcom writer, screenplay writer, the guy who picks music for movie soundtracks, and single-panel cartoonist.
18. I am named after the writer Elie Wisel. However, back in 1984, “Elie” was typically a girls name and my parents didn’t want to give me a complex, so they chopped off the second “e”.
19. I really enjoy semi-popular alt-rock songs from the 90’s. Examples: “Scooby Snacks” – Fun Loving Criminals, “Black Back Pack” – Stroke 9, “Drinking in L.A.” – Bran Van 3000, “Good” – Better Than Ezra, “High” – Feeder…the list goes on
20. I have been known to make excruciatingly awful puns. I’m sorry, but I can’t stop myself.
21. I’ve been living in a one-room studio for the last 11 months and I’ve realized that that’s pretty much all I need.
22. I don’t want to own a car.
23. I have this dream that one day I will start a chain of restaurants that will sell nothing but potato-based meals. Mashed, scalloped, hashed; however you like them, it would have them. It would also feature a gravy trough and the mashed potato bar would have a sign that read “we don’t serve fixin’s cuz daggonnit, our spuds are so good they don’t need any fixin.” They would be called “coverin’s” instead. The restaurants would be called “Tater Mountain.”
24. I always manage to think of the PERFECT comeback 15 minutes after the argument is over.
25. Close friends and family call me “E”