Category Archives: jobs

Make Euphemisms Work For You

[via] – Non-Sequitur

As my search for employment winds into its second month, I’ve noticed that the language I use to convey my current job status while still trying to maintain my self-esteem has changed drastically. For instance, instead of telling people I live in my parent’s basement, I tell them I’m “living with family friends” (Technically this is true. My parents are family, and they are also my friends, so I think it counts). The hardest word to get around, however, is the dreaded U-word: “unemployed.” Whether it’s meeting with old friends or making new acquaintances or getting harassed by creditors (they can be so persistent), everyone always wants to know the same thing: What do you do for a living? Worst yet is that that the U-word conjures up visions of people loafing around in their sweats and watching daytime TV, their fingers stained bright orange from all the Cheetos they’ve been eating. Sure there may be some truth to this stereotype (just yesterday I ate an entire bag of grapes while watching Real Chance at Love 2)  but this image, as anyone who is or who has been unemployed knows, is anything but accurate. Most of the people I know who are searching for jobs are highly motivated and actively striving to get back into the work force or go back to school. But still the image persists, and because of this fact, I have come up with a few helpful terms I like to use when people ask me what I do for a living. Because if my degree in journalism has taught me anything, it’s that a situation is only as bad as the words you use to describe it.

Helpful Euphemisms for the U-word:

1. Occupationally Challenged

2. In between jobs

3. Exploring new opportunities

4. In flux

5. Transitioning

6. Sans Travail (everything sounds so much better in French)

7. Living the dream

8. Working with an open schedule

9. Taking some “me-time”

10. Riding the pine

11. Networking

12. Feeling things out

13. Liesured

14. Freelancing

Well that’s all I can think of for now. If you use any other phrases to get around the U-word lemme know and I’ll add them to the list. Happy hunting!

Related Listening: “The Employment Pages” [Live] – Death Cab For Cutie

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An Unemployed Person’s Workday

via toothpastefordinner.com

I’ve been looking for work for about a month now and can safely say that it’s probably the 2nd most depressing, disheartening, and mundane things a person can do, right after actually working at a real job of course. Lots people who work for a living think I just loaf around all day, which is completely untrue. I only loaf for 30% of the day. The rest of the time is spent either eating or wallowing in self-pity. So, in an effort to dispel the myths and quell the confusion, I present you with a break down of my most recent non-working work day:

7:00 am: Woke up, realized I had no job, went back to sleep.

9:00 am: Woke up again and got ready for the day (read: put on a shirt). Noticed I had my shorts on inside out and backwards but decided it was too much hassle to fix them.

9:15 am: Went online and scoured my usual stomping grounds of Craigslist, Monster, Idealist, HotJobs and any other online job board available. I know this is mostly futile, but at least it helps me feel like I’m making progress. Progress towards what I don’t really know, but I try nonetheless.

11:00 am: Thought about going for a run but realized that would require me to fix my shorts. Decided instead to  Wikipedia the word “wiki.” Results disappointing. I did learn, however, that today is World Pi Approximation Day, which is ironic because lately I feel like I’m walking around in circles.

12:00 pm: Took a break from my intense internet browsing session and decided to have a healthy snack. Ended up eating two microwavable quesidillas and a plum.

12:45 pm: Back to the stomping grounds and surprise, surprise: nothing new.

2:00 pm: Went outside and threw the tennis ball for the dog. Came to the conclusion that the dog and I aren’t all that different. Neither of us have jobs and all we do is sleep and eat all day. The main difference is that I have $15,000 in student loans to pay back, while she sometimes eats her own poop.

2:30 pm: Called someone about a possible interview. They said they would have to reschedule to an undetermined date. Wondered aloud why God hated me so much.

3:00 pm: Played guitar while watching TV. Tried to make up new music for the commercials. Think I might have a future as a jingle writer. Now if only I could make the fat cats in Hollywood agree.

4:00 pm: Went online again to look for any new job postings. Got distracted. Ended up watching YouTube videos of kittens and puppies playing together.

4:30 pm: Read a chapter in a self-help book that said job-seekers should look to accomplish small tasks and celebrate their achievements. Took the passage to heart and fixed my shorts. Celebrated this occasion by eating a fudge-sicle.

5:00 pm: Would you look at that? The work day is over. My did that go by quickly, and by quickly I mean crept by slower than a 3-legged turtle across a freshly tarred country road. Regardless, it was time to pack up and head home. Turns out there is one bright spot to being unemployed…no commute.

Related Viewing: “Circles” – Soul Coughing – Live on Letterman